I wonder what it all means? (Dream Journal-Entry 1)

I've been having such weird dreams lately and I thought I'd write them down before I forget.

A few nights ago I dreamt that I was on the titanic with some of my friends (I think from home). Luckily we were in a harbour of sorts, so when the boat sank we were able to swim to the decked shore nearby.

Last night was also a little weird. I had two dreams. The first was about my boyfriend and how he had cheated on me with a guy from this metal night that we used to go to at uni. I didn't really care too much at first, because it seemed like it would've hurt more if he'd cheated on me with a girl than a guy, but after a little while I left, and that was that.

The second dream was also pretty strange. I was (I think) in a taxi, waiting at some traffic lights(?). The guy driver had got out, but I don't think he was planning on being gone for long. Then all of a sudden I think a car driving past may have nudged the car I was in a little and it started moving forward. I was a little panicked because you see I don't really know how to drive (I've only had a few lessons,) and so I thought it might be best to steer right at the crossroads ahead and go down a more quiet road. However it was a slight hill and the car started to pick up speed. I went over an animal in the road (not sure if I hit it) and managed to steer the car clear, just in time, of a little girl in the road. I was still picking up speed and I didn't know how to stop (I wasn't sure which of the three pedals were the brakes) and so ended up hitting and subsequently going over three parked cars in a row. For some reason I think the top of the car I was in had come off in the process, or was at least crushed, and once the car had touched the ground again I pulled on the handbrake and we finally stopped. I didn't think I was hurt and managed to climb out of the car, where I then sat chatting to a few people at a bus stop. You could hear police cars and ambulances (potentially three) arriving, but none of them came to help me. A little later on I found my friend (Vicki M) and for some reason (I'm not too sure why), she was also hurt, with cuts on her face. We decided to walk a little further down the road and found the police cars and ambulances parked outside an Accident and Emergency Unit. We were instantly helped when we walked inside by a doctor. He told Vicki to wait in the waiting area as her injuries weren't as servere, and took me through into a smaller room just off from there. He asked "Were you in the explosion?" I replied "No." and that's when the dream ended.

It was very strange, but I wonder what it means?

The fact that my boyfriend cheated may be a worry that I have. I guess it might be tbh, just because I have trust issues, what with my parents splitting up when I was 13. But I don't think he's that kind of person. and I don't know why on earth it was with a guy! Maybe it would be slightly easier to take I guess for any girl if their guy cheated with another guy rather than a girl -I guess it would make you feel slightly better that he may have cheated, not because it was you, but maybe because he wanted something that you couldn't physically give him. I don't know.

..and with regards to the second dream, it might be related to the fact that recently I've been thinking that I need to start my driving lessons again, as I've found out that it can be quite useful for the types of job I am applying for at the moment. The crossroads could be about a decision I need to make, I guess this whole job thing could be part of that. ..I'm not sure about the accident though. It might be linked to the fact that I do tend to (scaringly) worry that some one in my family might randomly have an accident, even just popping to the shops. (That's kinda psychotic, I know:/). It's a horrible feeling that, to be honest. ..and the explosion? what was that about? The Boston bombings? Terrorist attacks? who knows. I guess they are also things that I worry about sometimes too, when I'm out in public places for example.

They do say that your dreams are influenced by the things you see around you and the thoughts you have, so it most likely could be that.

Anyway I thought I would record them here, just so I don't forget them. They were rather weird dreams after all.

Hope yours are a lot more pleasant!

Sweet Dreams to you:)

short awaited post

Hey!
Sorry for not writing on here for a little while (see I've already failed at the whole 'one blog a day' thing. I guess if I have nowt important to say then it doesn't really matter:P)

Soooo.... I haven't really been that busy lately, if I'm honest, I guess just more distracted and forgetful:P Anyhooo..

I'm still on the job hunt at the moment, still sending in the applications, but haven't heard owt back yet. Fingers crossed I'll get a (positive) reply next week! I'll be moving up North you see, up to Newcastle and (I think) I have a place now ready for in a month's time to be moved into. The only thing I need now is a job!
I'm thinking of getting into the care sector, potentially midwifery, though I'm not going to rule nursing out completely, so I've been applying to healthcare assistant roles in local hospitals, as well as care roles in nursing homes. I'm hoping a little break out of education and some experience in the right area will both help me decide whether this is the career for me and also put me in good stead for when it comes to applying to either a midwifery/nursing course. That's the plan anyways!

Sorry for the looooooong back story, it's just quite a big thing in my life at the moment. I soooooo can't wait to move into my own place with my boyfriend and start properly living and enjoying life; actually contributing something to society and working hard for it. To have a little more money of my own will also be good:) I'm not very money-orientated but to have a few pennies here and there to try and go out and do new things will be pretty fun and exciting!:)

Fingers crossed for a job now!

......It does in a way feel like your life is revolved around work in one form or another, and in many ways, besides the 'need for money to survive and do things' part, feels a little pointless. But I guess this is life, and life ultimately is what you make it, and the best bit of it all is that it is up to you to make that choice. You can either choose to be happy or not to be, but I hope to be happy, and that's what I plan to aim for. :)



as John Lennon believed, "The key to life is happiness".

Hey :)

Hi :) so today was actually a pretty productive day:) I left the house, spent most of the day working at the library on job related things and it was quite successful:) now feeling happily motivated at the moment too:) I think they were right about the idea that production comes before motivation, not the other way around:) and I'm pretty sure you can tell by the number of smiley smileys that I'm quite happy right now:) :P

I'm going to chill in bed now I think. Might watch some more of 'Orange is the new Black'. It's fair good if you haven't seen or heard of it yet!

Also I've got to recommend the 'White Queen'. -it's quite a recent British drama on BBC1. It's based on the Battle of the Roses, between the families of York and Lancaster, featuring Edward (I think) IV and his brother (not too sure if he's older or younger), Richard III (who may I say is very good looking). So yeah, give it a go if you like the sound of it. It's far better than I've decribed it in its basic bare bones there.

Anyway, hope you've had or are having a good day too!:)


p.s. I got me thinking, it's about my first post where I wrote "...I don't hate my life..." The truth is, I don't, and I hope it doesn't come across in any way, any inkling that I do, because I worry that that would disrespect those who are a part of it, because I definitely don't mean them. I honestly love those many people in my life:) I guess I just meant before that I wanna try and do a little more with my life, try and work towards something too, achieve something. That's all. Anyway I hope that clears up any confusion if there was any. To be honest it's more about trying to clarify things in my own head, so sorry for the ramble.

Thanks and well done for getting to the end of the schpeel:P schpeeeel! <that's such an odd word:P hopefully catch you soon:) if anyone's listening, thanks:)

Tuesday 23rd July 2013

Here are a few inspirational quotes that I either really like or really got me thinking. I hope you get something out of them too:

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions. Their lives a mimicry. Their passions a quotation. — Oscar Wilde

(^this really reminds me of the whole "hipster" phenomenon and depressingly the concept that "there is no such thing as an original idea".)

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education-Mark Twain

(^I guess this is what annoys me about school; the fact that there is no freedom in the learning; you are taught what is on the curriculum. Maybe it is up to the student themselves to go out and expand and develop their own learning experience. I guess I feel my educational path was almost decided for me, without no help, guidance or awareness provided as to the alternative. Don't get me wrong, university has been an amazing experience and one that I am glad that I have done, but possibly more in the sense that it provided an opportunity to see a different part of my country and meet new people, rather then in an educational sense. It was pretty darn stressful.)

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. — Plato

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. ― Oscar Wilde

Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realize we cannot eat money. — Indian Proverb

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ― John Lennon

 Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. ― Albert Einstein

Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. – Lao Tzu

Dalai Llama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, said: “ Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

(^I think this one sums up what I'm trying to avoid as I am about to step over the edge and into the unknown world of work.)

I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off ― Chuck Palahniuk

(^This really reminds me of the student boom we currently have at the moment. Everyone is offered the opportunity to go to university (and I guess rightly so), but with it comes unrealistic promises of enhanced employment prospects, when really a focus should maybe be on providing alternative options for the individual school-leaver, saving them from a future of acquired and ever-increasing student debt. ....Also, having another read of it, on another level I guess it is all just about STUFF. At the moment we all just live and work to acquire more things. The things we have define who we are. Why? Why can't the person inside be who you are? Surely that is who you really are. All these products are just a superficial mask that is hiding your true identity. When will it stop? Will this 'hang-up' on consumerism and the possession of just 'things' just keep going? Bring back substance and personality. Things that truly matter.)

The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost invariably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And if he is not romantic personally, he is apt to spread discontent among those who are. ― HL Mencken

Tuesday 23rd July 2013

This is the third blog that I have, am creating. I tend to decide I'm going to make a big effort, like it's going to be a big thing that I'm going to start doing and be dedicated to when I'm at a crosssroads with myself, stuck in a daze.

I always write that I'm not going to put any pressure on myself, that I'll try and write one post every day and try and keep it up. The problem is, even as a child, I have always come up with these grand ideas that I'm going to start doing something, a hobby for example and that it is going to be something that I keep or continue to do for the rest of my life; something that'll possibly even define me, make me interesting, make be somebody. The truth is, I never stick to it. I remember getting a small stain glass window-piece and saying to myself "I am going to hold on to this forever. I will start a huge collection of these little things." That's gone.

 I'm currently in the process of applying for jobs, as I've just finished uni, but lacking both motivation and confidence in the whole thing. You know that feeling when you want to turn your life around, do and be something new or simply just be a little more exciting? Well that's me. All over. I wish I was more driven and productive a lot more of the time, but at the moment I can't seem to get out of this hole of laziness and unmotivatedness (if that's even a word?). I don't hate my life but sometimes I do feel very alone, very unoriginal; that I don't have much going on in my life, when really I do. Maybe it's more of a need or desire that I need to make more happen, make my own fun in my life and it's probably up to me to do that. It's like I'm waiting for something or things to come along, and until then I'll just sit back and wait for it to happen. I want to change that, but I'm not sure how. I want to start my life but I'm not sure what I really want to do, what I really want to be and ultimately I don't want to make the wrong decision.

I guess when it comes down to it, as much as I don't want to admit it, I'm scared of so many things in life and it seems the list is ever increasing. I want to grab life and everything that comes with it with both hands and enjoy it to its fullest, but this fear inside me also stops me from taking those risks. It may be my fear of death and losing things and the people I love that makes me scared of life, which I guess is kind of counterproductive and ironic. I want to change this, the only obstacle now, is how?